My religion forbade me to attend your funeral Mom!

Sorry. I have taken a sabbatical leave from my blog for a couple of months now. Been busy with the normal day life, my eldest son Reuben came back for a 6 weeks holiday and after that I was plain lazy to write.

Well, after much struggle, I gathered that I better get off my butt and start writing again, else, this blog will die a slow but natural death...HAHAHAHA...and the worst part is that I will loss sight of my other blogger daddies, mommies and friends that have come to know me here.....

Picking up from where I left off from my last posting, the demise of my beloved grandmother.

My grandmother has a daughter (my mom) and three sons, all of whom have been living away from home since as long as I can remember. Even when I was a kid, I can only remember the arguments and quarrels that they constantly have when they do get together. Talk about a dysfunctional family. Well, my grandma is not exactly the mild manner mom (as revealed by my mom though I was the apple of her eye) and my late grand dad was a traditional Chinaman who believed strongly that he IS the MAN in the house and has a fiery temper to go with it.

My first uncle was the luckiest of the whole lot. He got to go to Taiwan to pursue his studies and he came back as a Chemical engineer and that was 25 years ago which is a big thing in Malaysia. He was the blue eye boy because he was the MOST educated of the lot. There were big expectations on him and of course, big expectations comes with big ego and following not far behind, is arrogance!

He found a nice job in Singapore and after several years (quite a number if I remembered correctly) finally found someone he loves and got married. His ex who was very close to my grandma was killed in a fire while he was studying in Taiwan. So close was his ex that my grandma has likened her to be her `unofficial' daughter in law and even set up an altar for her in my grandma's house.

Story has it, that my uncle and my auntie was constantly ill and not feeling well everytime they came back to visit my grandparents. After much consultation etc, some medium told them that his ex's spirit was the culprit and was jealous and was hell bend to ruin his life. Needless to say, they were terrified and hence forth made a decision not to return for a visit anymore. That was like over 15 years ago!

Forward the timeline to 5 years ago, I heard that both my uncle and my auntie are now Christians and are very actively involved in church work. He has since retired. Despite my grandma's gradual health deterioration, both has not made an attempt to return for a visit.

The last straw came when my grandma passed away. As the eldest son, we are duty bound to inform him and to make arrangements with him to return to sent my grandma off for the very last time. And surprise surprise, they have out rightly refused to return, sighting reasons of fear and their church `apparently' advise them so. My mother was devastated when he instructed her NOT even to include their names into any documentations as their RELIGION forbade them to do so.

I might not be the most religious person now but I do know that one of the Ten Commandments is "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

So, tell me, which religion in this world actually forbids a child to pay their last respect to their departed parent.

Several months have passed now after my grandma's demise. The frustration and anger in me has somewhat mellowed yet I have not fully come to comprehend nor accept the `reasons' of a son not willing to return for one last time ......:(

Her final and BEST gift to us

Grandma has passed on and in her passing, she gave us her final and the best gift that a mother could give...she gathered the family of 4 generations for once after almost 2 decades !

This family just like many families have our issues that dated back decades. My mother and her brothers have been not really been able to see eye to eye on many issues. Being young and hot temper, I vividly remembered the arguments and full blown quarrels whenever the family got together. I even remembered quarrels during Chinese New Year reunion. Talk about a dysfunctional family.

Over the years, they have resorted to not talking to each other or even got together for any gatherings or reunion. Needless to say, my generation has lost all contacts with my cousins and my children's generation would probably end up as total strangers.

Days leading to her departure when grandma was growing weaker, there were lots of doubts as to who will be coming back for the funeral. As she grew weaker, we could almost sensed that she was waiting for her sons and grandchildren to go back to see her one last time..and she got her wish (almost but it was good enough for her ...more of that in my next post).

When she went, I was pleasantly surprised and glad that all my uncles (with the exception of one) and almost all grandchildren made it a point to get home to sent her off her final journey.

Believe it or not, I got to see many of my cousins whom I have not met or talk to over the last decade and a couple of whom have grown up with me together when we were all being taken care of by my grandparents. It was amazing sitting down and remembered those days where we were together and how grandma used to punish some of us when we were naughty or sharing how we best remember her.

It was good to see us coming together after all these years and even more so, seeing my Ryan playing and getting close to some of my cousins' children.

I made it a point to make sure that we got our handphone numbers and Facebook accounts and ensuring that I have add them as family members.

The family picture taken above, is THE FIRST family portrait of the Yeong family after more than 2 decades. It was touching to see my cousins liking the pictures of the funeral when the pictures were loaded and commenting on how fondly they remembered their grandmother as well.

She has given us the Final and the BEST GIFT of all ....togetherness as a family that I intend to work towards keeping as much as I could ....

Thank you so much Por Por. We all miss you very much and we will treasure and cherish and protect this gift that you have given to us.

RIP my dear Poh Poh ...:(

Just received a call from my mum. From her voice, the dreaded news that I fear the most is here. My grandma had just passed on .......

We were actually planning to go home to see her again this weekend ...

I am not sure what is my reaction. Have not fully sunk in yet that she who have been so strong all these years and have weathered through so much is no longer here....I have not cried a tear...Can't understand why....Not sure how to feel. This is exactly how I felt when I remembered my uncle walked into my college years ago and told me that my dad has met with an accident and passed on...No tears. Just knowing that I have to be strong for everyone ...

I just want to go home to see her one last time ....

RIP Poh Poh...I'm coming home to see you ....

My previous post about my grandma (http://babynme2008.blogspot.com/2011/11/oldest-special-woman-in-my-life.html)

The Oldest Special Woman in my Life

The oldest special woman in my life now is 95 year old! She felt in love with me the moment she laid eyes on me. For years in my youth, I slept near her bosom, listening to her heartbeat. She has seen every part of me, knows my very best and have seen my very worst. She is my grandmother....

I was staying with my grandmother when I was studying in standard one till six. My parents and my younger sister were all staying at Port Klang. They left me with my grandparents back in Kampar since I had just started schooling and they thought it would be best if I did not follow. I had the most memorable and enjoyable 6 years of my childhood life there...

Recently, we heard that she had a fall and was unwell. We rushed back to Kampar to see how she was. Thank God that she has recovered well...well enough to listen to Ryan singing to her his `Twinkle Twinkle little star." while she reciprocate with one of her favorite old timer cantonese number.... She looks radiant at the age of 95 and visiting her and looking at her, reminded me of the years I spent with her and how much she and grandpa loved and adored me ...

I like to draw and I remembered that it was my grandma who gave me my first box of water color. It was one of those ancient one with hardened color paste where you have to wet it with water before you could paint. I remembered having so much fun that night.

My grandma is a very creative person. I like to draw and I remembered drawing Ultraman after Ultraman fighting monsters of my own creation. And I remembered bringing my drawing every 5 minutes to her for her comments before I will proceed, and her comments were always "good","Beautiful" or "more colour"...

I remembered how she teaching me how to make roses, water lilies or cherry blossoms from color papers. To this day, I can still vividly remembered how to a few pieces of color paper into a stalk of rose..She even taught me how to make gold fish out of eggshells.

I remembered how she used to stay up till the early hours in the morning, peeling onions and garlic or dried anchovies for her dishes and man..some of her dishes are so yummylicious....My mouth waters just thinking of her tender pork ribs steamed with soy bean paste or her steamed egg ....

Of course the memory that will remain deepest in my heart and soul was when I was bitten by a dog on Labours Day when I was in Standard Five. It was a holiday and I went butterfly catching with my best friend. We happened to wander into the compound of a house where the guard dog was chained to the ground. I can still remembered how fierce the dog was and he was pulling so hard that the chain broke. I remembered running and falling and the next thing I knew was a very bloody ankle. I limped home and told my grandma. She panicked (I think or I'm sure). I could not walk anymore till the pain. She wrapped up my wound and carry me on her back and walked to the clinic located over 30 minutes away! I remembered passing out due to the loss of blood and pain.

The wound was badly treated by the first doctor and got infected. For the next one month, I could not walk and she has to take me to another doctor daily to get the wound cleaned and dressed. I remembered being carried down from the bed every morning, carried to the bathroom every time I want to wee wee and carried back to the bed in the evening.

I had to write this down less my fading memory fails me. I want to be reminded again and again of what this great woman has done for me and I want my children to know a little bit more of their great grandmother.

I am so glad that Ryan takes an immediate liking to her. It was such a tender moment, watching him stroking her fragile hands, and reminding her great grandmother to drink more water. It was even lovelier to hear him sing for her ...

I am truly thankful for this woman that GOD has sent into my life ....